WishfulThinkin

2003-01-01T02:57:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to do something to get a nicer design for my Journal...I may revert back to Diaryland since I don't feel like paying $5 a month to get pictures for my blog that hardly anyone seems to read. So, until then, I have a link under my Song Lyrics for my Diary...which actually has a pretty design and it's FREE...hear that Blogger, FREE!

2002-12-31T18:56:00.000-08:00

Had "Friendsmas" on sunday :) It was great, got lots of good things and was able to see all my friends together! I got a water fountain and lighthouse lamp for my room, Sleepless in Seattle DVD, candles, a book,and a sweet card :) It's been so long since I have updated that I don't know where to start. I don't want this entry to be hella long so I won't go into too much detail. I have to get my wisdom teeth out friday :-\ I'm really not looking forward to that. Been hanging out with Ali a lot...actually a lot more now than when we were actually going out. Bad things have gone down between Eric and Jess...so I guess next year's "friendsmas" won't be the same goup :-\ But hey, it'll be a new year in about 5 hours and maybe things will be different. Well I'm gonna go...work was so dead that I got to go home after only an hour of being there...so here I am. May go see Star Trek and then go hang out with Ali and start the new year with him. Happy New Year's everyone!

2002-12-21T01:34:00.000-08:00

I got bored...what else can I say.... hehe :)

2002-12-21T01:20:00.000-08:00

What Sort of Romantic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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free enneagram test
Type Nine
The Peacemaker
The easy-going, self-effacing type. Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

2002-12-20T13:43:00.000-08:00

Good news : Red Lobster has All-You-Can-Eat shrimp again :)
Bad news : everytime I go there, I get the cutest damn waiter and feel like a hefer everytime I want more shrimp :(
Why does it always have to happen huh??

2002-12-19T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hey check out the link to the left of my page! I put up the only pictures I have in my computer right now, maybe I'll scan some more :)

2002-12-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

No more school for a whole month!! Woohoo! Only thing I will miss is my Journalism class...It was my favorite, even though it was at 9:30 a.m. I took that final at 8 this morning...When I woke up at 6:45, I tried to think of the last recent time I was up that early in the morning...I came up blank and got out of bed. I think I did pretty well on all my finals, except Philosophy. I really hate that class...If I fail and have to take it over, at least I will have perfected a way to cheat so I could pass next time. It started raining again today...I guess I won't be seeing my dad this weekend either. He's been gone since last thursday. I saw him for a few minutes last night when he came home. He had to get up at 4:30 today to go back, which is the normal time he goes to work, but doesn't get home till at least 10 if at all that night. Well...I hardly slept at all last night, so I'm gonna go lay down and watch Days of Our Lives :)

2002-12-15T22:22:00.000-08:00

I went blog hunting today...well not really. I just clicked a few on the latest updates list with cool names. I read a nice quote on one (:: its a new day@midnite ::) "Sometimes I'd rather be a child again because skinned knees are easier to mend than broken hearts." I found that true, but it's also true that if you skin your knee in the same spot over and over again, it will eventually take less time to heal. Believe me, I have skinned my knees playing softball many many times. Both webpages I looked at have quizzes...I found the link to this one on Prolong the Magic...

I have issues with...

innocence
love
patience
submission
men

Take Word Association Test

2002-12-14T01:25:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, it has been raining for 24 hours straight. I almost killed myself twice today driving. I've never had a problem driving in the rain before, but for some reason I did today. The whole town is filled with water...I had to drive through humongous puddles, or ponds for that matter, and I thought the poor old Bronco II was gonna die! Luckily I lived to tell the tale :) I almost lost control of the car when my brother and I were on our way home. It was the first big puddle and I didn't see it until we went straight through it. I almost lost control of the car...good thing I didn't or else I'd be in a ditch right now. My heart was pounding so much.
On a lighter note, I made good money at work...sucked though. We had a banquet that the owners dad had for his company/family or something, so they were all there. Whenever the owners are around you have to constantly be doing something, even when there's nothing to do and that's hard. So much to say and not enough time or words to say it... Oy. So I guess I'll wrap this up now, I'm tired and my knees hurt because I couldn't sit down at work. I know, I'm a baby. Oh well right?

2002-12-11T01:34:00.000-08:00

I am just gonna do a quick update, hopefully. I don't even know where to begin. I am feeling so much right now, it's hard to understand. I am so hurt and angry by words of the people I call my friends, and I'm confused because I don't know if I have the right to feel this way if what they say is true. I never thought of myself as insensitive. What was just a little comment hidden in a conversation the other night about how I am an insensitive person has just been eating away at me. I even talked to Ali about it, and then it was confirmed. I know I joke around with people probably too much, but that's how I was raised with my family and that's how I've always been. I never realized how it may hurt certain people. I know now that it did. I even went a whole day just carefree and nice to people, really nice. Being the mean-natured person I am, that's something. I've been feeling good ever since I realized how horrible I am and how I need to start changing unless I want to be completely alone, and it's not like I have loads of friends waiting in line for me. Just when I think I am getting somewhere, Ali accuses me of being insensitive and I don't even know why. I thought I was being good. Times like these I feel like all people see in me, or want to see, is the bad. Either that or that's just who I am, a bad person. Even insensitive people like me have feelings. And right now I am really hurting because I feel so unloved, alone, and just...worthless. I'm sure I'd be doing everyone a favor by disappearing. What's one less insensitive person in the world? The thing that gets to me is that Ali thinks that I am insensitive too. I may be wrong, but I don't think he has the right to accuse me of that when he himself can be blunt and insensitive with things he says regardless of the affect his words have on others. It's really late and I have an essay due in philosophy tomorrow, or today for that matter, so I think I'll just go to bed and think about this more. The only thing I can really do is crawl back into my shell and hope for another new me. I wonder if Brian will help crack it open again..maybe this time even finish the job since this one doesn't seem to be doing very well. So much for a quick update...

2002-12-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

I've gotten some Christmas shopping done, yay! I only have about 4 people left and 2 are just little somethings :) Only had to eat 4 Thanksgiving dinners instead of 5! My dad's mom ordered mexican food instead. So yeah, I got to visit Brian for a little bit on saturday night - we watch Windtalkers. I haven't see him since a few weeks after school go out...probably July, so I didn't care that that was all we did. I have another test tomorrow in History :( I really hate that class...no, not the class, the teacher. I am already sick of school...maybe it's because I am working or something or just because I haven't had school in a week, but I really don't feel like being there tomorrow...I'm going to be so busy. Wake up at 7:20 to take the boys to school, come home and get ready and go to school, go to my dentist appointment after school, work out if I have time after the appointment, go home and get ready for work, then get off of work at 10 and might go to Ali's if he's up for it. Hmm..I hate dentists. At least it's just a cleaning and I won't be all numb :-\. Good news - Packers are tied for 1st place!! Woohoo! Now all they gotta do is win the rest of the games :-D hehe, it could happen! Wishful thinking I guess...but they're doing really good this year. I think that's about it for now, I'll try updating more often.

2002-11-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a few of these tests...here's the first one I took. I'm not sure if I'll post all them, if I do, you'll see them :)

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.

Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!

One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.

How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2002-11-25T01:25:00.000-08:00

Howdy! Oh man, had a busy weekend...I worked Friday night, went to a baby shower for a coworker, worked that night, went back to work the next morning to spring clean (or winter clean, whatever) and paint and got a Thanksgiving meal, came home and changed, then went to my grandpa's for his Thanksgiving dinner thing, came home and did my economics homework. Loads of fun, aren't I? :-\ You know, I don't even really like Thanksgiving...I could do without the food. Yes, I know, food is the highlight of the holiday for most...but I don't eat mashed potatoes and gravy, no veggies...ok, scratch that, let me just list the things I basically eat without being suckered into it; dark meat turkey, bread (no butter on it - yucky butter! :-P ), and stuffing (only Stovetop though, homemade isn't that good). And with my big ole family, I have to go to...let's see...4 dinners - 5 if my Mom bothered to do it, but we just go to my Grams' house for that. Can we just skip to Christmas? I forgot what else I had to say. Oh well, it's not like anyone really reads this anyways...That's ok though, I just wish people felt they could tell me things too.

2002-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

Hey, gotta make this short because I have school in the morning :( Didn't do a whole lot today. Got to sleep in...I haven't done that in a while, it was great! Studied for my philosophy test I have to take coming up soon. Anyways, Ali came online tonight after school and sounded really upset. At least he had Lisa to talk to, she's great and will make him feel better. I don't think I can...I'd like to but I just don't think he wants to. I honestly don't know what he wants...lately it seems like I'm not it. I really want us to work, I just hope he feels the same way. Maybe I just don't tell him I like him enough or something...I'm just not that way. That song I posted called Where Would You Be by Martina McBride kind of voices how I feel in this situation and how I wonder if he even likes me anymore. This is kind of depressing. I really hope he likes me and feels the same still. We'll see I guess. I said I'd make this short but I got caught up babbling on :) Oops...

2002-11-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

Song Lyrics!
I put the link to the left of the page also, but it's hard to see...sorry! I'll work on getting that bigger, darker, and more noticable another time but right now I am too sleepy.

2002-11-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

I've got an idea...I am thinking about making a section for song lyrics that I like...like post one once a week or so. Song Of The Week! What do you think?? Hmm...new project :)

2002-11-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

I wonder where your heart is
'Cause it sure don't feel like it's here
Sometimes I think you wish
That I would just disappear
Have I got it all wrong
Have you felt this way long
Are you already gone

Do you feel lonely
When you're here by my side
Does the sound of freedom
Echo in your mind
Do you wish you were by yourself
Or that I was someone else
Anyone else

Where would you be
If you weren't here with me
Where would you go
If you were single and free
Who would you love
Would it be me
Where would you be

I don't wanna hold you back
No I don't wanna slow you down
I don't wanna make you feel
Like you are tied up and bound
'Cause that's not what love's about
If there's no chance we can work it out
Tell me now
Oh, tell me tell me now

Have I become the enemy
Is it hard to be yourself
In my company

~Where Would You Be by Martina McBride

Ah...some more beautiful lyrics. It's like they express how you feel in a song...

2002-11-18T19:57:00.000-08:00

Oh where do I start!? 10 days without an update...I doubt very many people read it, but for those that do, sorry on the lack of updating :-\ Been busy, I now have 2 jobs...Yup, the girl who hates working and only does it to pay the bills has 2 jobs! Well, for now at least...The Big O Tires one is temporary help in the accounting office...but for $10 an hour I hope to make myself a little more permanent. I only work 16 hours a week anyways. Then there is Pietro's, make about the same after tips but I work shorter shifts...3 days, a total of 14 hours. Saving up for a car. I'm on a mission! I have 3 tests this week and 2 next week :( But enough bitching right? I saw The Ring...still freaks me out thinking about it. It's going to be a very long time before I see another scary movie :-P Got to see Jessica! She came down to pick up her laptop and we dragged her to the movie too, hehe. Oh, I also had an all time high rating for Gin of 1712(or something like that)!! Then I hit my losing streak...Saturday night after work I went to Ali's and we played with his sister in his room and his really cool remote control little mini car :-D What else...uhh...I am too tired to think. So yeah, I'll wrap it up. I'll try updating a bit more often...really, this time I mean it ;-)

2002-11-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

I really need to find more things to do with my blog...a way to change it or fix it, something...I tend to get bored with things after a while if there isn't a challenge...I mean, look at my posts...at first they were everyday, now I am lucky to get to it every few days...oh well :-P So Ali and I are ok I guess, maybe even go back to somewhat normal. I got him this card he really wanted on Sunday, same night we had that "break" and I finally gave it to him Wednesday. He gave me two beautiful roses :-) So I guess it's time to forget and move forward and hope it doesn't happen again...Argh...I am babbling on about nonsense I shouldn't be. I'm a bit sleepy...So I think I'll call it a night. Feel free to comment on any of my entries, that's what the comment link is for :-) Oh, and please sign my Guestbook if you haven't already. Thanks!

2002-11-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted lately, been pretty busy. Made lots of money working Saturday night!! Almost halfway done saving for my down payment for a new car :-) Been a lot going on, some things I'd rather not mention...don't want to hurt someone who might be reading this. Saw I Spy (very funny, better than I expected) and Jackass this weekend. Oh yeah, and I went to Woodland to some huge cornfield maze, but since it was the last day it was open for the year it was pretty torn up...gotta go next year on opening day instead :-P So yeah, that's about it... I probably should have kept this blog more private so I could write more about how I feel and what I think without being scared that someone will read this and be offended or hurt in someway. Oh well...

2002-11-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment, that's held in your arms

And what, do ya think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what, do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me, and throw me away

And how, can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah you stand here on your own
They don't know me, cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on, and feel I belong
And how, can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me, cause I'm not here

And you, see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid

And I, wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be
Cuz I'm not what they see
Yeah the world is still sleeping
While I keep on dreaming, for me
And it wasn't just whispers and lies
That I'll never believe

~I'm Still Here by John Rzeznik

Don't you just love those song lyrics you can totally relate to? Well here's one I recently found...just change boy & man to girl & woman...

2002-10-30T01:31:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, another day of school...wasn't too bad though - got an A on my essay and a B on my test in two of my classes. Took my 2nd test in History...probably failed it again :( Saw Ali for a bit and watched one of my Soap Operas. Worked out, came home, and did my homework for this week for my 2 online classes. Went baby-sitting with my Mom and saw Stuart Little 2. Then later I went to Ali's house and we watched Meet The Parents...I started feeling really yucky and sick (probably from the buttered popcorn). I felt like my stomach was cramping like I haven't eaten and I could throw up easily if agitated or my neck was messed with (when I feel sick - especially when nervous - I tend to pull my shirt away from my neck because I feel choked, like my stomach is in my throat ready to come up). So I had to go home...probably for the best anyways...Ali had stuff to do and has to get up early...the poor dear :( So yeah, I'm going to bed and hopefully feel better later. Here's a really nice song by Nat King Cole called When I Fall In Love...beautiful lyrics and sound...

When I fall in love, it will be forever
Or I’ll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it’s begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely
Or I’ll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

2002-10-28T22:52:00.000-08:00

Another day....Woke up at the crack of dawn, then came home and went to bed again until almost noon! :) Watched some TV (good ole NBC Soap Operas!) and took my puppy for a walk...or she took me..hmm. Anyways, went to the health club, came home and did nothing. Ate lasagna for dinner :) My brain hurts right now...I have been skimming and reading 5 chapters of my history book for my test tomorrow...I figured I should at least crack it open since I got an F last test...who would have thought they actually had us use these text books?? hehe. It's getting late, so I'd better get back to my reading:( Adios amigos!

2002-10-28T00:08:00.000-08:00

Not much happening...went to my aunt's for her b-day and got sick with goodies. Watched the Giants lose...I am so depressed..they could have had that! :( Anyways...I did my Economics homework and then my sister dragged me to Walmart. I was supposed to go do something with Eric, but since he isn't answering his phone, I guess he changed his mind...So I guess I'll just keep my oh-so-wonderful computer warm :)

2002-10-27T00:50:00.000-07:00

Got to visit crazy Lisa today :D ! Met up at Ali's house and did nothing for a few hours....Then went to work...made crappy money again...not many people came in because of the World Series, which Chris and I kept sneaking in the back to watch on the big screen TV, hehe. I got home a bit after 10 because we stayed and talked after we closed. Watched The Sweetest Thing...very cute movie I think and now I am here :-P Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour - more sleep! Woo hoo! :)

2002-10-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

Ya know, work isn't so bad...I don't admit this a lot, but it's true. When you're about to leave, a thousand other possiblities for spending your time runs through your mind, but once you get there it's all good. I think it's because I like the people I work with and it's not hard or too much. I gotta work tomorrow...hopefully I'll make better money...Went and saw Ghost Ship with Ali...man I was scared...I hate things that jump out at me. So yeah, that's about it.

2002-10-25T00:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been a while, I have been busy with school...essays and tests and all that good stuff. What is with tests anyhow? It's really crap...designed to test your knowledge...but it only choses random things and I swear some Prof's are just out to get you with those questions they design... -.- Anyways, after the mind-numbing morning I went to the pumpkin patch and Toys R Us...I wish I could still buy toys and play with them...but an 18 year old with Barbies and LEGOs can't be good - actually, I'll still play with LEGOs and not care :-P So yeah, it's late...'till next time!

2002-10-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

Tuesday...one of the worst days of the week for me...I had to wake up at 7:20 to take the boys to school, come home and get ready for my school that starts at 9:30. I was 5 minutes or so late to my first class because I couldn't find a parking spot...horrible! Of course everyone decides to go to school that day and park in that lot! It was completely full, I had to park in a whole other lot and hike to my class. I actually stayed awake in my History class, I was so proud :) my test in that class and midterm were bumped up a whole class meeting...that's gotta be a first for me, usually they are postponed. I have an essay and a midterm all on Thursday :( I'm really not looking forward to that. I guess I should probably leave my Philosophy class early on Wednesday night so I can do the study questions and read...a C isn't bad on my test but I want to do better. Anyways, I got out of my psych class really early and went to Ali's. His poor family is all sick this week...luckily he was feeling better. We watched a bit of that old movie Aliens...their version of the future really amazed me. The big wheelers I had as a kid aren't around now let alone hundreds of years from now or whenever that movie takes place. I wasn't in a very serious mood today, I just wanted to watch the movie. He kissed me a few times and it was really nice...not too slobbery or anything. Sometimes it is. I tried working out but luckily I noticed the hole in my pants before I did, haha. So I played a few games of foosball and called it a day :) Sorry this is so long and boring, I'll try making it short and sweet next time...oh yeah, If you haven't already, please sign my guestbook! Makes me feel special :)

2002-10-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

My weekend was full of adventures! Finally drove to Stockton to visit that crazy Lisa...met some interesting folks. Saw The Tuxedo again...almost fell asleep, I was so cold! The snack bar lady (I believe her name was something like Anishika or something) was funny, her and Lisa went on and on. Saw a Marc look-a-like and visited the Zen Cafe (The Caffeine Den actually, but Zen sounds better). Then I got to go to Starbucks for a Frappuccino. Mmm...Then we sat in the car talking for a long time and had a Rice Rocket experience...very cool. After that we decided to ditch Sacramento and watch Amelie -- which was a foreign film. Really good, even though it did have subtitles. Lisa tried killing me several times during the night...luckily I woke up with body parts still intact and got to go thrifting...too bad 3 of the 4 thrift shops we tried visiting weren't open on Sundays. But I did get a cool candle thing and Cassie got 3 tennis balls (which she adores...happily chewing on one as we speak). After that we searched forever for a cheap place to eat...3rd time was a charm...or was it 4th? Anyway, we finally got to eat and then I drove back home. Took my Econ. test....74% Woo Hoo!! Not much but better than the 60% I got myself last time...I really should study...So yup, that's my crazy weekend...Stay tuned!

2002-10-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying out this whole Blog deal...so exciting!